The future of crime will require the future of law enforcement. When it comes to protecting the ultraviolent streets of the many dystopian futures movies often portray, there’s one robot cop that always stands up for truth, justice, and shooting criminals with machine guns.
The question has to be asked, with how dangerous these possible futures are, is Robocop the best-qualified robot for the job? Yes, he is. By quite a large margin, as it turns out. Being part human, part machine, and all cop, Robocop is the ultimate robotic police officer, but what about other famous film robots? Here are 10 movie robots that should never be allowed to wear a badge or carry a gun.
Waste Allocation Load Lifter - WALL-E (2008)
The adorable garbage collector from Pixar’s brilliant film has one distinct quality that makes him unfit to serve. He’s too compassionate. While the bot’s empathy and understanding of emotion go beyond that of humanity’s in his film, it would make him unwilling to make the tough, but necessary decisions being a future cop requires.
While the idea of WALL-E trying to bring every criminal back to the light seems good, in an urban dystopia in need of a supercop, the criminals, unfortunately, have to be taken out like the garbage WALL-E was built to collect.
Andrew - Bicentennial Man (1999)
The robot servant portrayed by Robin Williams has a lot to deal with on his own without throwing stopping ultra-crime into the mix. On a journey to figure out what, or who, he is, Andrew explores his newly discovered emotions with the help of his human family.
To be a successful robot cop, Andrew would need to control his emotions. To be able to put them in check when necessary, and rely on them when the situation is unclear or requires a tough decision to be made. It is a difficult task to ask of someone who didn’t know they had emotions until a few moments ago.
Battle Droids - The Stars Wars Prequels
The soldiers in this army, introduced in Star Wars: Episode one - The Phantom Menace, have the strength of a sheet of paper, and they are mostly used in battle as cannon fodder due to their large numbers. Their aim is poor, they rarely take cover or show signs of mobility, and they have a knack for heading head-first into unwinnable fights.
There is even chest-cam footage from their assault on the Gungan planet of Naboo where one battle droid is seen tripping from a slingshot and shooting one of his allies on his way down. This kind of gross incompetence has no place on the force.
Killbots - Chopping Mall (1986)
Just an opinion, but maybe getting machines called “Killbots” to guard a shopping mall is a little bit of, well, overkill. This cult 80s film has a group of teens sneak into a mall at night, only for the mall’s robot security droids to malfunction and hunt them down. These bots are practically Robocop already, except in large Roomba form.
They do okay at first, by finding the teens and giving them a stern warning, but then they drop the ball by blowing their heads off with a laser cannon. As unfortunate as it might be if they were hoping to graduate from mall security eventually, these things aren’t cut out for police work.
Literally Any Of Them - Robots (2005
The 2005 animated feature about a world with no humans should be the training ground for strong-willed robots that can protect the mean streets of whatever fictional future landscape needs protecting, but instead, it is a world where every robot is seemingly incompetent.
These robots haphazard their way through life, falling apart, getting smashed by giant hammers, and having lots of fun. This is all great for characters in a kid’s movie, but they aren’t cut out for the no laughing matter that is robotic policework.
The Box - Logan’s Run (1976)
While he looks intimidating at first, this massive unit is ultimately a pushover. Designed to round up “runners,” he’s well on his way to being police material right out of the box. However, when actually confronted, this thing’s large build and lack of freedom of movement make him not only unable to catch the runners but destructive to his own base as well.
The Box is the robot enforcer equivalent of Paul Blart: Mall Cop, only without the part where he haphazardly stumbles into completing his mission. Instead he just haphazardly stumbles indefinitely.
T-800 - The Terminator (1984)
Even though the T-800 does have an eventual change of heart, and joins the side of humanity, he is simply not officer material. When you look at his track record, there are just too many signs that say he absolutely hates cops.
In The Terminator, The T-800 guns his way through an entire police station, killing everyone in sight. Not very cool, if you ask me. Then, in T2: Judgement Day, after becoming the good guy, the T-800 is tasked with the simple task of not killing some cops, so he does the much better thing of shooting a mini-gun and grenade launcher “near” them instead. This guy hates cops so much that the bad terminator in T2 makes himself look like one just to get a rise out of him.
Hal 9000 - 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)
This A.I. from Stanley Kubrick’s legendary sci-fi film is a sentient computer program that controls the functions of the spacecraft and keeps the crew company in the void of space. Unfortunately for that very crew, Hal decides to kill them after learning he is going to be shut down for making slight mistakes.
Imagine the chaos that would ensue if Hal was given a badge. His god complex would only grow, and the first time he was ordered to take paid leave for making a crucial mistake on the job, he would likely launch his partner out of an air-lock.
C-3PO - Star Wars
This humanoid droid shows up in every Star Wars film. Often seen at the sight of every major battle, C-3PO consistently displays complete negligence to the high-stakes scenarios he’s in. Focused on etiquette and protocol, he almost always leaves the heavy-lifting for his droid companion R2-D2 (who would make a great cop).
Not only is his personality suited towards desk work, but C-3PO also has a limited movement that never always him to get up to anything more than a brisk walk. Any would-be purse snatchers could easily outrun him.
Mechagodzilla - Godzilla Franchise
A 40,000-ton alien weapon of mass destruction would not make a good police officer. Somebody had to say it! Mechagodzilla is simply far too large to safely patrol the streets. The robotic nightmare, built-in Godzilla’s image, would cause unaffordable destruction with every response call.
Until kaiju criminals are robbing giant banks, there simply isn’t enough demand for Mechagodzilla’s brand of justice (leveling an entire city with his Absolute Zero Cannon in an attempt to kill one other being). However, if the time ever comes that kaiju are intentionally breaking human laws, this bot will be ready with a pair of 50-foot handcuffs.
